'Sex' is the act of connecting with another being with your body, and with as much of your subtler nature (mind, emotions, 'soul', etc.) as you are able to.
'Love' is the feeling of already being connected.
When you allow these to converge in you, you merge with the sublime play of existence - Life celebrating itself Blissfully - radiating unconditional love.
Love is only 'conditional' when there is some overt or unconscious agenda being enacted - i.e. when we are trying to establish or maintain a feeling of self-worth, self-respect, authority, superiority, specialness, control or security - all of which amounts to an attempt at feeling better about oneself and one's life. In 'conditional love', we 'love' (i.e. maintain a positive emotional connection with) the object of our ‘love’ as long as they provide us with what we want.
In ‘unconditional’ love there is no agenda because there is no neediness. There is no emotional emptiness to try to compensate for.
Maybe it's time we stop being so unclear about what 'love' is and stop using the word in the context of emotional neediness. Surely it doesn't make sense to use the word 'love' when we are actually referring to manipulation? … unless you really don't believe in love.
The word 'unconditional' ought to be considered redundant when speaking of love.
A quote from Terence McKenna comes to mind:
"We can evolve only as fast as we can transform our language".
But there is another manifestation of human desire and activity which we also refer to as love: the desire to help (or sometimes manipulate) others for their own good. This can happen in parental love, friendship, romantic relationships or in a dictator’s ‘love’ for his people. This, put very simply, occurs when there is a strong feeling of connectedness with others but at the same time another impulse is also asserting its influence – the self-preservation instinct. The self-preservation instinct can become extended to include others. This is when there is the feeling that someone else is as important to protect and care for as ourselves… BUT if we are afraid our ‘caring’ and ‘protecting’ becomes manipulative.
Love, I would suggest, is not an extension of the self-preservation instinct. It is an override of the self-preservation instinct because of an overwhelming feeling of inviolable security – which could also be called ‘faith’.
Love truly arises naturally out of Peace and fearlessness – which is real, non-dogmatic, simple faith (in Life itself).
Out of this feeling one can care for others as if they were ourselves but this does not come about from a desire to manipulate – there is no neediness and no attachment to the outcome. There is a capacity and a predisposition towards both compassion and equanimity. The kindness and ‘helpfulness’ that arises from this feeling tends to be gentle and ‘dispassionate’ (although it can also manifest more intensely as a great passion/ compassion). This is real, and spontaneous, ‘Karma Yoga’ – Love manifesting as human activity and ‘service’.
If I am expressing myself clearly, this is perhaps all easy enough to understand and is no great new revelation… The following may come as a bit more of a shock, or not - maybe depending on the solidity of your preconceptions.
‘Sex’ itself can be an act of compassionate service – an act of love. There is no reason why a prostitute should necessarily be considered to be doing work that is less worthy of respect than any other work. The same sublime, selfless, expansive love-feeling can arise in sexual activity carried out by a prostitute, just as it does in a ‘saint’. There are those who believe that this was Mary Magdalene’s role – initiator into the mysteries of sacred, loving sex – a priestess of the sexual Mystery schools – a kind of Tantric Yogini.
To me it is more important to just consider that this is actually possible rather than to argue about whether or not this is historically accurate. I am not trying to prove anything here about the past. I am just presenting an opportunity to contemplate an idea that may be liberating – or not (you may find it more comfortable to not question your present definitions of morality).
I offer these ideas, these words, with gratitude and openness – inviting the ‘energy of Understanding’ to be present for you.
The purpose here (if indeed there is actually is one) is to allow a profound questioning of our assumptions about the opposition between ‘spirit’ and ‘body’.
This is part of Tantric teaching and technique – the weaving of all the elements of existence into a wholesome, integrative experience of Self, undivided from the Source.
Wishing you Peace, and magnificent sex – whether it be with yourself, with a partner or with the Universe (Life) itself!
Peter Littlejohn Cook
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